I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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