i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
