The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
