I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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