it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Randomize
