Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
