you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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