Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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