The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
