I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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