i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
