K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
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