I accidentally had phone sex last night
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
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