don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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