i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
