I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
