I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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