Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
