ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Best friends brother. Beat that.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I FOUND THE LEGS
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
