he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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