so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
