guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I need a hoe opinion
go on
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
