Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Randomize
