Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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