And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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