It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
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