Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Operation Purity has been aborted
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
