Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Randomize
