dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
only you would photoshop your dick
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
