Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Randomize
