Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
