Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Randomize
