I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Randomize
