My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
