Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
