I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
