My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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