I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
