you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
This is the high leading the old right now
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
