Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Randomize
