Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
