Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
