She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
