ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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