I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
