Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
