:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
