but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
