I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
