soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
