nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
