i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
