i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
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